from Northern Ireland:

91-year-old Monty and his 89-year-old wife of 66 years go to their lawyer to get a divorce. Puzzled, the lawyer asks, "Why did you wait all this time if you were both so miserable for so long?"
Monty replies, "We were just waiting for the children to die."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMp_xGeQ2v0

Here you can try out other names:
http://oobleck.org/steam/
http://www.springhole.net/writing_roleplaying_randomators/victoriannames.htm

Words that don't appear in the dictionaries, but should...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewqx2IZIr08

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."

Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."

Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad."

"Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."

Kevin !
rfalio

for maths freaks

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/c5/ff/6f/c5ff6f231a88cb7789296d56f2cb75f3.jpg

Ich glaube der stammt voun Douglas Adams, correct me, if I'm wrong.

Theorem:
Horse have an infinite number of legs.

Proof:

1. Horses have an even number of legs.
2. They have two legs in front, two in the rear, two on their left side and two on their right side.
3. This totals 8 legs.
4. Eight is very odd for the number of legs a horse should have.
5. The only number that is even and odd as well, is the number infinite.
6. Therefore, horses have an infinite number of legs.

q.e.d.

@hbeilmann

A horse has four legs

Also, it has two forelegs at the front and two hind legs in the back. This makes it 8.

It has two legs on the left side and two legs on the right side. This totals 12.

It also has four perfectly visible legs from below. Now we have 16 of them.

And we haven't even started counting legs on each corner!

---

No horse has five legs.
Any horse has four legs more than no horse does.
Therefore, a horse has nine legs.

Verbs is Funny

A boy who swims may say he swum,
But milk is skimmed and seldom skum,
And nails you trim; they are not trum.

When words you speak, these words are spoken,
But a nose is tweaked and can't be twoken.
And what you seek is seldom soken.

If we forget, then we've forgotten,
But things we wet are never wotten,
And houses let cannot be lotten.

The things one sells are always sold,
But fog dispelled are not dispold,
And what you smell is never smold.

When young, a top you oft saw spun,
But did you see a grin ever grun,
Or a potato neatly skun?