10a.
When you wake up, you always wear a perfect make-up and have a perfect hairdo.

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.

The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long-handled toilet brush, dipped it in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to scrub away the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party).
(Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14.On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).

17.If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

18.If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19.Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20.All single women have a cat.

to be continued...

20a
You can turn on the light in the whole apartment with only one switch...

21.Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

22.No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

23.If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

24.The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

25.You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

26.Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

27.A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

28.It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.

29.One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).

30.When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

Read the lines below quickly:

A bird in the
the hand is worth two in the
the bush.





Now read it backwards. Did you get all the words first time through?

No, I didnt.
Da gibts was ähnliches mit "f" zählen - das wird im Wort "of" nicht gleich mitgezählt.
lg ines

Genau. Den Text hatten wir schon im 1. oder 2. laugh-Forum. Und wenn man den kennt, dann fällt man auf diesen Text nicht mehr rein.
Sorry, siebengscheit

PS: Ich hab mich in letzter Zeit mal mit Einträgen zurückgehalten, weil ich mal sehen wollte, ob außer siebengscheit, rhauda und mir noch mal jemand mitschreibt.

WAR WOHL NIX!!!

... IHR seid nicht reingefallen, aber all' die anderen Leser des Forums, die "klammheimlich" die Texte lesen??????

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on?

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.

He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,"I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."