ich wusste gar nicht, dass der De Niro Arabisch spricht ...
tränenden Auges
m. gottheit

A place to get creative:

http://www.eblush.com/fun/

The President was in the Oval Office when the Secretary of State walked in unannounced and said, "Mr. President, there's bad news from Baghdad. A bomb went off in the main souk and 3 Brazilian people were killed".

The President turned ashen. He visibly sagged under the impact of the news and placed his face in his hands. After a minute or so, his lips began to move in prayer. When he had finished, he beckoned Ms. Rice closer to his desk and asked, "How many is in a brazilian?"

Hier ist die Geschichte von Jack Shit zum Hören und Sehen

http://home.pacbell.net/diana_do/knowjack.htm

Heut hats ja viele Beiträge gegeben, Suuupi, da freu ich mich aber!!!
Weiter so!

mein Schwiegervater erlebte in seiner Berufszeit eine Bestellung von Japanern, die man ihm brachte, da sie nicht verständlich war, und da er in der Firma auf Grund mehrerer Japanreisen als japankundig galt.

Der Text lautete etwa

und bestellen wir 200 runde Sofas.....

Bei den runden Sofas handelte es sich um Kugellager.....

A Chinese guy is sitting next to a Jewish guy on an airplane. Out of the blue, the Jewish guy slaps the Chinese guy so hard that his head reverberates.

The Chinese guy asks, "What did you do that for?"
The Jewish guy says, "That was for Pearl Harbour."
The Chinese guy says, "But Pearl Harbour was bombed by the Japanese."
The Jewish guy says, "Japanese, Chinese, Korean, it's all the same to me."

A few minutes of silence pass when out of the blue the Chinese guy slaps the Jewish guy so hard that HIS head reverberates.

The Jewish guy asks "What did you do that for?"
The Chinese guy says, "That was for the Titanic."
The Jewish guy says, "But the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg."
The Chinese guy says, "Steinberg, Goldberg, Iceberg, it's all the same to me."

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man. "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.
When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees "Golf: $1. 00. Dinner: $1.00. Room: $1.00. Sleeve of golf balls:
$3,000.00" He hits the ceiling!
Calling over to the manager, he asks, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?" I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost."
"Well," said the man, "if I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!" "That's right, sir, you could have," said the manager. "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!"

"Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I am granting you six months to go back to earth to be anyone you want to be. The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren and poof she's gone. The second nun says, "I want to be Madonna and poof she's gone."The third nun says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini. St Peter looks perplexed. "Who?", he says. "Sara Pipalini," replies the nun. St.Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, "No sister, this says "Sahara Pipeline was laid by 1,900 men in 6 months."

The principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.
Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.
The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.
The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long-handled toilet brush, dipped it in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to scrub away the lipstick.
That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.